invisiblegaijin // 透明外人

Anomalies in the Flow of Life // in Beijing

Hot Summer Fashions in China

Pink_sundress

XI'AN, China (IG Fashion News) -- The hottest fashion trend this summer in China is big white bloomers visible beneath a pink gingham sundress, complemented by pink Converse All-Stars.

"This look captures the innocence and awkwardness of youth," proclaimed Niubi NiuB, head designer of Xi'an Tang, "and combined with a knock-kneed walk, this look is guaranteed to bring middle-aged men to their knees."

"I like the way old guys start drooling when they pretend not to be looking," giggled Xi'an middle schooler Xiao Lola, "it's simultaneously cute and pathetic!"

In other fashion news, the "show off your beer belly" look remains the standard for Chinese men.

"Nothing says success like a big buddha belly proudly thrust out for all to see," commented fashion commentator Ting Budong, "the classics never go out of style."

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In other news, the people want to know, "does baby shampoo ever grow up?"

Tokyo Sky Tree Radiation Causes Mutation in Japanese Children

Tokyoskytree

TOKYO (IG News) -- Japanese government officials announced today that electromagnetic radiation from the newly opened Tokyo Sky Tree causes Japanese children to mutate into intolerably cute mascots.

“The Japanese people love ‘cute’ and will forgive this egregious waste of taxpayer monies,” scoffed Tokyo Governor Chintaro “Twitchy” Ishipara, “only third-country people will be disappointed the tower doesn’t actually improve their mobile phone signal.”

“Waah! Kawaii! I’m moving my family here so our kids will mutate,” exclaimed Perky Oppai, Tokyo resident and mother of 1.4 children, “and, with a little luck, they’ll catch a glimpse of @TameGoesWild in training!”

“We thought we’d have to spend millions of yen on mascots,” explained Aho Bakatare, chief of the Not-Too-Bright Ideas Section at the Sumida Ward Office, “fortunately, the radiation from the tower saves us that expense!”

“Before I mutated, I was just a third-grader whose life was filled with routine drudgery,” commented Chinko Atama (photo, left), whose head now looks like a ribbed condom with reservoir tip, “now everyone want to take my picture! Pii-su!”

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In other news, McDonald’s China announced the new “McJasmine Happy Meal” will be available every Sunday at 2:00 p.m. exclusively at the Wangfujing store in Beijing, which is extremely popular with foreign journalists and undercover street-sweepers.